Benched.

I like groups of things.

I like things in fours.

I like leaves on the ground.

I took a little respite on this bench before I snapped it.

It’s my way.

It was a solid bench with a good view.

A view of the city.

In other news ~

In the morning, I don’t leap out of bed in a single bound.

Shocker.

In the morning, the hills aren’t alive with the sound of music for me.

Shocker, the sequel.

In the morning, I do not engage, and I do not like to be engaged with.

Yeah, we’ll just end that sentence with a prep. Because — hey — it’s Monday. And it’s morning.

So. Saturday morning I stood at the bathroom sink, with my spiked hair and sheet-wrinkled face and sleep-glued eyes, and proceeded to brush my teeth with…

Yeah. Cortizone 10 plus. Creme + 10 healing moisturizers.

It looked just like a travel size tube of Colgate.

It didn’t taste like a travel size tube of Colgate.

The good news… I hadn’t swallowed yet.

Spit, spit, SPIT.

I grabbed the Listerine Total Care.

Swish, swish, SWISH.

I yelled down the stairs to Mr. G, honey.

Call the pharmacy. Tell them I just brushed my teeth with Cortizone 10 plus.

I know. You wanted to see the look on his face. Me, too.

Tell them I didn’t swallow.

Spit.

Tell them I swished with Listerine.

Spit.

Ask them what I should do.

Spiiiit!

I looked at my toothbrush and lobbed it into the dustbin.

I ripped open a new brush and vigorously brushed my teeth with toothpaste. Vigorously, as in now the enamel will have to be checked.

Then I rinsed with Listerine Total Care. Again.

The eyes had popped open. The hair was still spiked, but now those spikes were agitated. Add Cortizone, Listerine, and toothpaste spit to my sheet-wrinkled face, and Saturday morning was looking good.

I yelled down the stairs.

Tell the pharmacist I did this, this, and this.

I waited.

[pause]

Well?

[long pause]

I sensed the head-shake. I felt the grin-creep.

Yeah. The pharmacist said you did it right.

Go ahead. Laugh, G-Man. You know you want to.

My middle name isn’t Lucy for nothing.

And Monday is in the house.

Elen