Confession time. I’m one of those people. The last minute wrapper people. Okay. I’m a last minute shopper, too, most of the time. This year I wasn’t doing too badly on the shopping, probably because I wasn’t doing that much. Oddly, I’m not even bothered by that. It kind of frees you up to think about things like how many cookies can you actually eat in one day? Totally liberating.

Back to wrapping. I’m right there at the eleventh hour on Christmas Eve — at the dining room table, gift wrap at 9 o’clock, egg nog at 2 o’clock, scissors at 4 o’clock — hoping like heck that Santa will bring a couple of his elves when he floats down the chimney. Cute, little gazillion-year-old elves. Someone like Debbie, who can make a mean cup of hot chocolate and do some serious wrapping, while Santa enjoys a tasty treat of milk and cookies — soya, or any other kind.

I’m a wrapping underachiever. The weak link in my wrapping is tape. I never have any, which I don’t quite understand because I buy it in bulk every year. What happens to it from one Christmas to the next? No lolcats live here. The Golden Pup only eats UBO’s and socks, and Mr. G, honey cheats and just uses bags and tissue. Totally lame. What’s a present without a border-to-border, edge-to-edge seal of don’t-peek-at-me-before-Christmas tape?

But what’s a wrapper to do when she’s run out of the extra wide, transparent magic that is tape? I have a few suggestions. You knew I would.

• stickers
• twist ties
• staples
• rubberbands
• surgical, electrical, duct tape
• paper clips

What do you do when the tape runs out? Eat cookies is not an acceptable answer. Right Sven? Sven is frowning. And growling. Where the hell is your Sven Report, #150?

Here, Sven. Have a sugar cookie.

Elen