I was at a big and tall shop the other day just hanging out while himself tried on some big and tall stuff. He was in the change room doing the change room thing, and I was wandering among the racks touching fabrics and wishing that one of the summer suits — including the shirt — was offered for women. It was drop-dead gorgeous. In fact, I saw several color and fabric combinations in there that I thought would be perfect for me if given a feminine cut to the jacket, either with a trouser or a pencil skirt. What’s up with that? Most of what I’ve seen for women this season I thought was pretty — excuse me — butt ugly. I’d be happy to learn that I’m just looking in all the wrong places.
I had a wee sulk about that while I continued to look at all things big and tall, when I realized I was standing next to a rack of jeans and trousers that measured from my feet to my shoulder. No kidding. The bottom of the pant rested at the floor by my flip-flop, and the top of the pant came up to where my neck and shoulder meet. Whoa. I wondered how tall you had to be to wear that.
I didn’t have long to wonder, because a big and tall sales guy strolled over while I was looking a little googly-eyed, and I was my usual blunt, writerly self. Our exchange went something like this:
“These trousers come up to my shoulder,” I said. He nodded.
“How tall do you have to be to wear these?” I said. “Six and a half feet tall?”
“Those trousers will fit a guy seven feet tall,” he said. “And, remember. Some of that length will be taken up with the rise.”
I decided not to pursue the mystery that is the rise. Moving right along. “Seriously? Seven feet? You have clients who are seven feet tall?”
“Well, we have a client around seven feet, four inches tall. But, he’s thin and gets a little frustrated, because this is a shop for big and tall guys.”
That’s taller than the Scorpion King (Dwayne Johnson, The Rock) or Balthazar (Michael Clarke Duncan). That’s taller than Wilt! I’m thinking that if I hang around long enough, I might see some football players, or maybe a basketball team, wander in to grab some big and tall stuff. I like that thought. A lot. Now, that’s something I wouldn’t mind seeing on a fashion runway. I’m also thinking it must be challenging to find clothes that fit properly when you’re at one extreme of the spectrum or the other. I have enough trouble myself, and I’m ranked among the average — the beige of height.
Whether you guys are big and tall, or not so much, you’re pretty awesome, and those clothes were hawt!
I know. I think about weird stuff. And with that, we head into the weekend.