I want Danny Gokey to go shopping with me for my next pair of frames. Seriously. Can the man wear a pair or what?

I’ve been cogitating, ruminating, stewing over new frames for the last year. This is why —

I wore these back in the day. They weigh a bazillion pounds. Yup. Picked these suckers out all by myself. I’m pretty sure they covered my entire face, doubling as sunscreen.

If you know me, you know I love red in all its shades. This is a burgundy tortoise weighing in at half a bazillion pounds.

Gold frames with black rims. I’ve got matching clip-ons for this pair. Be still my heart. Still hefty, but can’t be used as a paperweight. I cannot tell a lie. I have matching clip-ons for them all. All of them.

These are for wearing at the computer only. My computer glasses… B.T. — before trifocals. They weigh nothing and could double as a giant paper clip in a pinch. Spring-loaded, black wires.

These are my current frames. Yeah. I know. They’re kind of a pinkish gold with red tipped ear pieces. They are my first experiment with trifocals and the ugly bane of my existence. The  u g l y   b a n e .

Have you ever tried to read your computer screen with a pair of trifocals? I’m thinking the only thing that is going to work is if I hook my flat screen monitor up to some gizmo — like the Canadarm — and spend my working day with my finger on a button….buzz, buzz, buzz.

None of these frames are right for my face. What was I thinking? What was my purveyor of eye wear thinking? I’m a magnet for ugly frames. I would have modeled them all for you, but I’m having a bad hair decade.

And that is why I need Danny Gokey as my personal shopper for frames. He can win American Idol, too. But let’s just stay focused here for a sec. It’s all about the frames.

The man can wear a pair.

Elen